We love mashups and far-fetched scenarios. We also love The Office and The Walking Dead. So, we asked ourselves, if the outbreak happened in The Office universe, what Dunder Miffflin employees would survive, die, or… turn traitor?
MICHAEL AND HOLLY SCOTT
Let’s start with everyone’s favorite boss. Let’s be honest, he’d be one of the first to go. Holly would come find him at work in his movie ticket printing office and warn him that people are turning and Michael, as naive as ever, would just laugh and probably do his own walker impression. As soon as he’d be approached by the first one he sees, he’d walk right up to it and marvel at the impressive makeup and probably assume it’s Dwight playing a prank on him. We’re sorry, but Michael would not live long to see the deterioration of society. Holly and the kids would disappear in the Rockies and survive until winter.
DWIGHT AND ANGELA SCHRUTE
In stark comparison, Dwight Schrute would be fully prepared, to no one’s surprise. We didn’t see much of his farmstead on the show, but at the first mention of an outbreak, he’d board Angela and his kid up in the farmhouse, and the Schrutes will have no problem waiting it all out, thanks to Dwight’s ample food supply in the walls, the floorboards, and, not to mention, his beet growing and hunting skills. So not to worry, everyone’s favorite assistant to the regional manager and the office bitch will both live on to carry on the human race.
JIM AND PAM HALPERT
And what about the hottest couple in Scranton and their two kids? If an outbreak happened, Jim would take the initiative by piling his family into their car to drive as far west as they can, only to get caught in a traffic jam (#couplename #jimandpam). Hundreds would flee their cars as soon as a hoard of walkers overcame the sitting vehicles. Jim would get his family to stay in the car and cover up so they can’t be seen. They’d wait out the walker stampede. Needing food, Jim would venture outside and raid the nearby cars for sustenance. He’d team up with a lone traveler and invite him to come back to his car, both loaded with food. Unfortunately, Jim’s kindness and trust in people would undo him and his family this time. The lone traveler would have a gun and shoot down the Halperts. Sorry Halperts, but kindness doesn’t cut it in this new world.
This one’s a little harder to predict, mostly because we don’t know if he’d be a bachelor or onto his third(?) wife at this point. We do know that his daughter would be his biggest concern, but she’d likely already be protected by her husband or boyfriend. But the question we must ask is, would Stanley want to survive? Not saying he’s suicidal or anything, but he doesn’t really have much to live for outside of his next fling and mortgage payment. We have a hard time picturing a scenario that would cause Stanley to act with deliberation (outside of dressing him up in a sumo wrestler outfit, or stepping between him and his pretzels). So we think it’s safe to assume he’d hide in his house out of fear, but as far as survival goes, he wouldn’t put up much of a fight once the walkers broke in.
The last time we saw Kevin he was a barkeep. Kevin would see a rise in business as people piled in to purchase their last drinks or try to forget the immanent doomsday. As the new reality sets in and takes hold, people will grow violent and Kevin will end up getting killed in the crossfires of a bar fight before he even sees a walker.
We’d like to think that Phyllis would be safe with Bob Vance (of Bob’s refrigeration), but if the two of them were to be confronted by walkers, Bob would get a little too gung-ho and be taken out immediately trying to defend his lovely bride. Phyllis would be bitten just moments later as her grief would cause her to not be able to run away.
Remember all the drunks occupying Kevin’s bar? Meredith would be one of them, except she’d go home with the fist guy that winked at her. The guy would turn as they’re getting frisky on the futon (he’d tell her that his bite marks were a fetish). Basically, I think we can all agree that Meredith wouldn’t stand a chance in a world where walkers and tough guys ruled.
Creed would be out of jail by this point (he’d bribe a judge). He’d get really good at trading goods and making deals and playing for whatever group or side would take him in. He’d bounce from group to group, trading in and backstabbing anyone who was a hindrance to his survival. We hate to say it, but Creed’s cunning and malicious plotting would enable him to survive pretty well into a walker apocalypse.
This one’s a bit more difficult to predict, mostly because it’s hard to imagine Oscar in a world where he must rely on his wits to survive. Not that he’s dumb, far from it. He’s just not the outdoors-y type. But our prediction is that he’d surprise us and make it. Here’s why: His boyfriend (or husband) would turn. It’d be a traumatic event for Oscar, and it would harden him. He’d realize that if he were to go on, he’d do it for his beau. He’d make mistakes and have close-calls, but over time, he’d turn into a rampant walker killer worthy of Rick’s group.
RYAN HOWARD AND KELLY KAPOOR
Kelly would find Ryan as soon as she heard the news. She’d find him in the midst of a deal gone wrong, whereas he’d be paying someone off to offer shelter, but the deal would sour, and he’d be taken. Having nowhere else to fall, Ryan would rely on Kelly for companionship. Ryan would freeze out of sheer terror at the first look of a walker and he’d be bitten. Kelly, coming back from the roof to check her cell phone signal for the millionth time, would hold him and cry over him until he turned and exacted his final act of cruelty on her. But he’d lose, really, because then they’d be joined eternally as walkers. And she will never EVER leave him.
Leave your predictions in the comments below and let us know if you agree with us or not!
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